Well, hello.

Christmas was weird this year. Really weird. I always hate to be Debbie Downer. But I can't help but to point out what I see. Call it what you will, I'm just pointing it out. Asking questions and such...

Christmas is awful, if I may be blunt. The signs of "Jesus is the reason for the season" make my stomach turn. Because its not. Its just not anymore. I don't know a ton about the beginnings of it all. I do know that the Church decided to celebrate a new holiday (Christmas) to offset Saturnalia (a pagan holiday) and that we get a lot of our traditions from said day. I don't know what Christmas was like 100 years ago. But now... its just not about Jesus. Its about us. Its about money. Its about gifts. Not that I don't enjoy those things. Who doesn't like getting nice things? Its just so hard to live like I'm used to. To "celebrate" like I'm used to.

What's it like to be poor and starving and to have nothing and to see those around you who have more than enough? What's it like to not be us white, middle-class Americans this time of year? I read a survey that said the average household spends $800 on gifts. I would venture to say that its much higher than for the majority of us. And the problem isn't the gifts. The problem is what we are ignoring by spending money where we do.

I don't know.
I don'tknowdon'tknowdon'tknow. I just don't know how to feel.
What to say
what to think
what to feel
what to do
who I am
who we are
who we're meant to be
I just don't know.

I don't mean to ruin anything for anybody. But in the process of examining me, it makes me think a lot about us. When someone doesn't have clean water to drink, doesn't have anything to eat, doesn't have medicine to give their dying child... how can I continue to "celebrate" like this? How can we?