Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Take my world apart...

I kept thinking of the lines to Jars of Clay's "Worlds Apart" all afternoon. I had breakfast with a pastor this morning, and it was very constructive. Encouraging. Corrective. Forward thinking. Eye opening. It was many things. It really helped me with everything that's been going on lately. Its really made me think about my actions and choices. Its really made me reconsider some of my recent thoughts on the institutional church. Its really made me reconsider how I should be approaching these frustrations I have inside.

The conversation was kind, repremanding, but at the same time, Biblical. I felt like, for the first time, a pastor at this church cared about the outcome of the situation. I've been really negative lately, and I don't need to be. I realized that today. I realized I have been wrong about some things lately and I need to work on correcting them. I need to work on repairing some relationships. I need to make sure people know I am still the same me.

I need to say I'm sorry. For so many reasons. But mainly for acting out of anger. I don't think there's really anything wrong with being angry, but its how I react that can get me in trouble. I had a friend say today: "YOU? Act out of anger? No!" Of course, he was being sarcastic. I'm an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I need to soften some of these rough edges I bear.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 that anyone who is weary and loaded-down can come to Him, and He'll give them rest. That's where I'm starting again at. I'm starting in the arms of a God who loves me no matter what. I'm starting in the arms of a God who is willing to take all the crap and junk from me onto himself because he cares about me. I'm starting again in a lot a ways.

I'm also starting to smile again.