Thankful...

Good news today. I needed it. Brit and I heard that our application was accepted for our new apartment. Moving out starting tomorrow! Woot woot! I'll be totally out of the house on Morehead by Saturday. Its sweet relief. Brit said she was secretly wishing we could get some place nice, but knew I was too proud of the house and what all I'd done to it to mention that to me... just shows how much she loves me. Can't explain how thankful I am to have a better job with which to afford this place.

I was reading an article about how faith and trust and reliance in God is a whole different thing in modern America. We have everything we want--right here. And if we can't afford it, who cares? You can charge it and live even more beyond your means. That's the American way... and its sick. It has totally jaded my perspective. I am spoiled and I am ruined. Can't blame it on the folks. Its everyone's fault. We live in a time when we don't have to rely on God to fill our basic needs because those and more are already met. So trust has to take on new meaning. Sacrifice has to be taken seriously.

For the first time in a long time I am asking what that means for me. I read a blog by a local pastor asking what we keep off limits to God. I don't want that. I know I do it, but I don't want it. I don't want to block sections of my life off from my Creator. That's not sacrifice. That's not living Galations 2:20. That's selfishness. Moreover, that's not trust. We think tithing 10 percent is rough. That's a command! Not a request! And I'm the first to say I'm the worst with my money and my faith. The two play hand in hand. There's no one to blame but me on this one.

At the end of the day, I don't wanna be thankful for a job with which to afford steeper rent. I want to be thankful for a life that has needs being met by a God who provides. I want to be living a life that takes risks for the kingdom of heaven. I want to be real. I just wanna be like Jesus...

So I'm really pursuing what that is for me.
Really pursuing handing my life over.
Really pursuing authenticity.
I'm really pointing the finger at myself and saying: "This is what's wrong with Christianity."

Me.