Tuesday=Kentucky Primaries

Here's my assumptions of what you want based on who you'll vote for:

John McCain

-I'm assuming you are pro-life, fond of war and don't mind an economic recession. Or perhaps you are Republican and you like single issue politics and droopy jaws. Or perhaps you like the way things have gone the past eight years and want another four.

Hillary Clinton

-I'm assuming you desire a president who knows how the system works, advocates drastic change and is cold as steel. You don't care about unity in our government necessarily, but you want someone in there who knows how to get things done.

Barack Obama

-I'm assuming you strongly desire both unity and change and are willing to take a gamble on a candidate to accomplish those things. You are probably a very positive person and are easily swayed by media hype. You also like people who know how to wear a suit.

Ron Paul

-I'm assuming you really don't like the government and want someone in there to begin tearing it down. You desire the federal government to be greatly reduced in size and for power to be handed over to the states. You also tend to forget that people don't live forever.

Ralph Nader

-I'm assuming you think everyone in politics is evil and every major corporation has someone in power in their back pocket. You also don't spend a lot of time investigating candidates to see if they're possibly a major hypocrite because you like how loud they yell about issues that everyone else is ignoring. Or perhaps you think all the other candidates are crooked and can't remember what you're registered as anyway.

I hope you laughed at some point. Don't take yourselves too seriously.